Balance. Everything in Moderation.

If you have not looked at the abundance of data that has been coming out from research studies over the last decade or two, you may not have known how important it is to have hobbies that you enjoy.

Having hobbies keeps our brains in motion. Afterall, we need to "use it or lose it" with our muscles and for most aspects of our body, including our cognitive abilities. This is why puzzles, brain teasers, and quizzes are so helpful; they make us think critically and creatively to find solutions.

In addition to this, consistent socialization is also associated with positive preventative measures against cognitive decline. All of which is to say that having a balanced lifestyle that you enjoy is not only valuable, but also necessary!

It was only last week that an article was published that stated that one hour of movement is more preventative in cognitive decline than taking that hour to sleep or nap during the day. With so much research going into longevity of life, it is no wonder that there is equal research focusing on quality of life. If there is no balance, life is shortened.

Even in my own research and studies, years ago now, a focus on telemere length was also of concern. This was primarily due to how the DNA can replicate and maintain its length, which is one aspect that plays into longevity and quality of life. The longer the telemere on our DNA can stay long, the longer we live, essentially. Again, stress and unhealthy habits have a way of causing telemere length to shorten, which translates to a hurried replication of DNA that causes telemeres to shorten, or damaged.

At every single level of life, there has to be a balance. Even though it can be literally difficult, a focus on enjoying life, while also including a healthy level of stress, allows our bodies to remain in balance.

I can remember watching how stressed my dad had been when he was alive. He always seemed unable to relax. It was much later, after I had taken over his affairs and read through his journaling, that I learned where his stress came from and why he could never relax. So often, choices we make in life seem inconsequential; however, your life partner is one of the most important of all that has an incredible influence on quality of life and stress.

If your life partner is relentless in their selfish pursuits, especially regarding what they can gain from you, you will never be able to relax because they do not allow relaxation in private, behind closed doors. They provide no support, comfort, security, or safety in their goals to take, take, and take. The proverbial well could be dry, and they would still take any drops of water they could manage, even ripping apart the well itself to prevent others from enjoying even an ounce of what they had taken for granted. There is no balance with this type of person, even if they allow those on the outside to see a mirage of a harmonious relationship. It is as fake as a cardboard cutout.

When we think of this, we often do not associate it with our lifestyle; sometimes, we feel obligated to stay, even though it is literally eating us alive. I watched it destroy my own father, and no one could convince him to move on with his life and drop the parasitic person when he had the chance. It caused him so much confusion, stress, pain, and all his money, yet there was no remorse from the other side for their own actions. They saw nothing wrong with what they did and have gone so far to say that they 'deserved' everything they took.

There was no balance. No enjoyment. Only stress, anger, confusion, and bankruptcy. Eventually, it played substantially into his memory loss and overall decline. And he and his kindness were taken advantage of, simply due to past sentiments and pure greed used against him.

Eating healthy, having the important aspects of being social in balance with our own private endeavors, having hobbies, exercising, and moving our bodies at least one hour a day, choosing a good life partner is also at the top of the list of staying healthy and acts as a preventative measure against cognitive decline.

When I watch people live in happy relationships, genuinely happy (not only when others are watching), these couples live very long lives and maintain cognitively sharp. Look around you. Many of those living into their late 80's, into their 90's, and even centenarians often talk lovingly about their spouses and their marriages. Genuinely happy people have their own glow; they do not brag or talk about their happiness, for it shines out of them without words. It is beautiful to be in their presence.

Whenever I am asked how I found my husband, I say I was not even looking. Honestly, I was not. I even refused to meet him for several months and was tricked into meeting him in person. I was working on myself and who I wanted to be, and I was (and am) happy being just me. It is often said that you will find true love when you least expect it, but you also need to know who you are and love yourself before someone else can love you. Both are possible and incredibly important.

I will leave you with these last thoughts to think about: As caregivers, it is so easy to lose ourselves in our loved one's life. It is so easy to be pulled in because someone has to manage their life and wellbeing. It is stressful, heavy, and sometimes feels like you have no one or nothing. I am very fortunate to have met and married my husband before taking on my dad's life; however, I know many are not so lucky. What kind of balance do you wish for your life? What do you enjoy? What traits do you want to find in a life partner? What type of exercise or movement is possible within your own circumstances, taking into account your limitations due to being a caregiver?

I ask these questions as a prompt to journal or think about. One of the aspects that really helped me when I was younger was writing down exactly what I was looking for in a life partner, in my life, and how I wanted to live. I tweaked my lists whenever necessary.

I did not just go out looking for a guy, friend, party, or a bottle to fill a void every weekend; I filled my own voids by learning about what makes me happy when I am alone, especially being too broke to really spend a lot of money on empty things anyway. I worked on myself A LOT before even considering dating, which I know many do not do. I learned a lot about myself, including my own hobbies, interests, dislikes, and what personality traits were really red flags in a person (guy and girl).

And I had no one to stop me from learning about everything I wanted to learn. I am forever a lifelong learner, and I have enough hobbies, interests, books, and wonderful friends to stay engaged and happy when I am unable to be with my wonderful husband, usually when he has had to travel for work. Knowing how to balance our own lives, especially when we are young, is important across the board.

And with people living longer and longer, it is even more imperative to know who you are and have established a balanced life early on. There is quite a bit to think about with that. Everything you do now plays a major role in your life later. Isn't that remarkable?!

Enjoy your night. Enjoy your life. I hope everyone can find a balance, especially during the rough times, which happens a lot (years even!) when caregiving!! Yes, it is understood that there will be seasons when there is absolute chaos and no way to find any sort of balance. Being a caregiver for many years, that is understood without words! However, remember that everything is temporary, even when it feels like it is going on forever. I wish you strength and patience on this journey. And everything in moderation.